Previous | Next

The Plantaliens!

Colossus

Colossus unexpectedly fights for the Earth

one-page strip

obvious copy

the severed head of the Tibetan gold-robber

a furious battle

Boozonia

house-ad

Whatever its beginnings, this 68-page (plus covers) issue of COLOSSUS COMICS cover-boasts “200 Free Prizes” and “All New -- All Complete!” – but what are those green things on Colossus’ shins – a portable cactus garden?

Oddly, GREEN GIANT COMICS No. 1 (1940), published by Pelican Publishing/Funnies, Inc., features the first appearance of “Colossus A.D. 2640”. Apparently, according to THE OVERSTREET COMIC BOOK PRICE GUIDE #37 (2007), there’s also a connection between COLOSSUS COMICS and the legendary giveaway comic that introduced Bill Everett’s “Sub-Mariner”, MOTION PICTURE FUNNIES WEEKLY (First Funnies, Inc., 1939)…but I have absolutely no idea as to exactly what that connection is!

This issue’s 13-page cover-story is “Colossus A.D. 2640”, written by “Reinsberg” and drawn by Bernie Weist. It begins in the far future, in an outpost located on Ganymede, one of the planet Jupiter’s nine moons, where a startling discovery is made, seen through a giant 375-inch telescope:

ASTRONOMER:
The Plantaliens! Invading the solar system again after 60 years!

They immediately contact Earth, where, unaware of this development, Doctor Albert Blitzmann tests his ”glandular formula to control human growth” on a somewhat less-than-impressive human subject, his short and pudgy laboratory assistant, Richard Zenith:

DOCTOR ALBERT BLITZMANN:
You, Richard Zenith, with one tiny injection of this fluid, will be remade almost instantly into the being you have always wished enviously to be, a powerful, six-foot athlete like our colleague Bryn Hale.

But seconds after the fluid has been pumped into Richard Zenith’s blood system, they’re interrupted by Doctor Blitzmann’s attractive daughter and assistant, Eve:

EVE BLITZMANN:
Oh Father, I made an error – you said two one hundredth parts of catalyst but I put in 200 parts! How could I have been so stupid?

But even as Eve chastises herself, Zenith begins to grow, but not before he grabs the flask of Doctor Blitzmann’s glandular formula:

RICHARD ZENITH/THE COLOSSUS:
I am the mightiest man in the whole universe!

NARRATIVE CAPTION:
Then Zenith’s speed of growth bursts all bounds, his whole body developing in proportion. He stands over 2,000 feet tall, a modern Colossus far greater in stature than the greatest of all mythical giants.

Utterly dwarfing Doctor Blitzmann, his daughter and Bryn Hale, the now-colossal Richard Zenith – who resembles a character out of a Max Fleischer animate cartoon or possibly an underground comix book by Kim Deitch -- picks them up in the palm of his hand and addressed them in his thunderous voice:

DOCTOR ALBERT BLITZMANN:
I can’t express how I regret this, Richard Zenith…!

RICHARD ZENITH/THE COLOSSUS:
Blitzmann regrets, but Colossus is glad Zenith is now Colossus, ruler of all the Earth! Do no worry, Albert Blitzmann. To you I am grateful. For you have made me Colossus, god over puny mankind, and that I shall remain!

BRYN HALE:
You’re mad, Zenith!

RICHARD ZENITH/THE COLOSSUS:
I could crush you with the breath from my mouth, Hale, the brave and muscular one! What do you think now of the weak laboratory assistant?

Colossus carefully plucks up Eve in his fingers and imprisons her within his zippered breast pocket, sets down the doctor and the athlete and leaves the scene of his creation:

NARRATIVE CAPTION:
Colossus heads across the country…creating an earthquake with every mighty stride.

Bryn immediately makes an emergency transmission to Urbania, “capital of the Tri-Planetary Federation and greatest city on Earth”, where officials are already reacting to the news of the Planetalien invasion:

TELE-VISA-GRAPH:
PLANETALIENS SIGHTED ENTERING SOILAR SYSTEN AT 10:05 P.M. FULL FLEET IN BATTLE ARRAY HEADED FOR INTERIOR OF SYSTEM – PROBABLY EARTH WHERE THEY WERE REPULSED IN FIRST INVASION – TERRIFIC SPEED – NEW – MORE POWERFUL SHIPS – INVASION IN EARNEST. OUTPOST OBSERVATORY, GANYMEDE, FEB. 9, 2640

As they receive Bryn Hale’s urgent warning, the Urbanians realize it’s too late, for at their 150-stories-high window, they see Richard Zenith’s colossal eye staring in at them! As Colossus shrugs off the effects of multiple rocket attacks, he wanders through the city, amused at the destruction he wreaks at random.

RICHARD ZENITH/THE COLOSSUS:
Earthmen, I am your master – you cannot harm me – were it my wish, I could destroy this whole city in less than a minute!

With no other choice, Urbania’s government surrenders, but secretly, the Tri-Planet Federation convenes a meeting with Doctor Blitzmann outside the city. They hold the scientist responsible for the creation of Colossus:

DOCTOR ALBERT BLITZMANN:
I am working on a counter-agent which will restore him to normal size. But I must have more time.

URBANIAN LEADER:
Time! In a matter of hours, the Plantaliens will be here, and we are totally unprepared. Our government is tied up by the Colossus, so we can’t even mobilize to fight off the invader.

DOCTOR ALBERT BLITZMANN:
I’ll try, but remember – my solution, which the monster now possess (sp.), took years to perfect. I’ll do what I can!

Hours later, Doctor Blitzmann announces his results:

DOCTOR ALBERT BLITZMANN:
I have it, gentleman! We couldn’t kill the Colossus with a ton of cyanide, but with one syringe of the substance in this retort…

But Doctor Blitzmann doesn’t have a chance to finish his statement, because Colossus, having discovered their hiding place, rips the roof off of their laboratory and steals the counter-agent! Calling from Colossus’ pocket, Eve attracts the attention of Bryn Hale, who leaps onto their monstrous foe’s sandal and begins to climb toward Eve.

NARRATIVE CAPTION:
So tiny is Bryn Hale in comparison that Colossus is not aware he has taken aboard a desperate passenger. When Colossus steps away --

Traveling to Urbania in a “rocket racer”, the Federation officials take Doctor Blitzmann to the president of the country. After being briefed, the future nation’s leader makes a decision:

PRESIDENT:
You heard them, gentlemen. There’s nothing we can do about the Colossus now…But the Plantaliens are very near. They are our immediate problem. We can’t get reinforcements from Mars and Venus for many hours.

Soon, a formation of Urbanian warships are launched to defend the Earth against the invading Plantalien fleet, but hopelessly outnumbered, they are overwhelmed by the alien forces. On the Earth’s surface, the Urbanians fire their “ground ray batteries” at the Plantalien ships, but to little effect.

NARRATIVE CAPTION:
The fight hovers closer and closer to Urbania, objective of the Plantaliens…Attracted by the noise of the great battle, Colossus crashes his way across the countryside. Meanwhile, unnoticed, Bryn Hale has climbed up to the pocket, hundreds of feet above the ground.

Bryn grabs Eve and outfits her with a parachute identical to his own; together, they gently float to the ground, unharmed. Meanwhile, Colossus arrives at Urbania, where he finds the airspace above the city filled with battling rockets. Looming over Urbania’s towers, he’s easily spotted by its population:

URBANIAN CITIZEN:
COLOSSUS – CLAMAITY ON TOP OF CALAMITY!

RICHARD ZENITH/THE COLOSSUS:
BLASTED PLANTALIENS, TRY TO TAKE OVER MY PROPERTY, WILL YOU?

Crushing the invading Plantalien spaceships in midair with his gigantic hands, Colossus unexpectedly fights for the Earth! And when one of the enemy’s vessels crashes into Colossus’ breast pocket, the giant has an equally unexpected reaction:

RICHARD ZENITH/THE COLOSSUS:
EVE! IN MY POCKET! YOU’VE KILLED HER! NOW YOU WILL ALL PAY!

Of course, unknown to Colossus, Eve and Bryn are safely on the ground, but in his mistaken grief and fury, Colossus takes a significant toll on the Plantalien forces, until the Martian and Venusian fleets arrive from space to eradicate the invaders. Meanwhile, Colossus has disappeared, believe to have traveled eastward. Suddenly, the survivors receive word of Colossus’ whereabouts:

MESSENGER:
New York reports a tidal wave. The Colossus has jumped into the ocean and is swimming toward Europe!

BRYN HALE:
We must get there first!

DOCTOR ALBERT BLITZMANN:
Order our fastest rocket racer.

NARRATIVE CAPTION:
Next month – COLOSSUS OVER EUROPE will thrill you

(Of course, “next month” never arrived, since only this issue of COLOSSUS COMICS was the only one to see publication!)

Also included in this one-and-only issue of COLOSSUS COMICS are the following stories, features and advertisements:

• “It’s Easy To Win A Fine Streamlined Bicycle Free”, a black-and-white, inside-front-cover announcement and entry blank for a COLOSSUS COMICS contest: “This contest is as easy as ‘falling off a log’. All you have to do is indicate with a check mark on the coupon the name of the strip you like best in this issue of COLOSSUS COMICS and then tell in twenty-five words or less why you think your choice is best.”

• “Educational Adventures Of Panda-Lin”, by Valentin Leopold and “Jan”. – This one-page strip introduces two pandas, Panda-Lin and his friend Pa-Panda. The two mischievous pandas take a joy ride on a magic mat made of woven bamboo and go on an impromptu visit to the Taj Mahal. In its last panel, the strip features its requisite educational message: “Today’s Lesson by Prof. Pa-Panda – The Taj-Mahal is a mausoleum built by an emperor of India in honor of a favorite wife. It is made of beautifully-colored marble, decorated with flowers and mosaics made of agate, jasper and bloodstones.”

• “Lucky Lucifer, Flyer Of Fortune”, by Berris Kregman and Lew Segron. – “Lucky Lucifer American flyer who has joined the Allied armies in search of adventure wends his way westward over France”. As this minimally illustrated story begins, after shooting down one enemy plane, Lucky is wounded in an encounter with the notorious Von Fleissig, “Nazi scourge of the skies”. Fortunately, Von Fleissig’s guns jam before he can shoot down Lucky’s plane. As he races to land in France, Lucky Lucifer’s aviator pal, Slipstream Barry, arrives just in time to catch his friend in midair when Lucky’s plane goes down in flames. Later, Lucky Lucifer receives his next orders, to land in German during a bombing raid to puck up American Secret Agent 6-4A. While bombers rain destruction from the skies, Lucky and Barry fly low over the terrain, where they see a beautiful brunette – Secret Agent 6-4A -- driving a bright red convertible. With a Nazi battle fleet on their tail, the two aviators pilot their plane even lower, to pluck the girl right out of her speeding car. While returning to France, they engage in “a mighty air battle” with the Nazis and, once again, Von Fleissig. Then, believing that Lucky Lucifer is dead, cocky Von Fleissig moves in for the kill; instead, Lucky shoots down Von Fleissig’s plane with a rifle while Barry pilots the plane. As Von Fleissig parachutes toward the ground, the triumphant trio head back to France. “Next month – Lucky Lucifer And The Flaming Death – You will be thrilled”.

• “Lum Sims” in “Episode #1” of “The Ghost Of Buzzard Mounting”, by “’Nard”. – This obvious copy of cartoonist Al Capp’s popular syndicated newspaper comic strip LI’L ABNER is introduced by its title character, a poorly-drawn lookalike of Abner himself: “Folks, I be Lum Sims, the hero of this here story. I ain’t much to look at, but I be a ringtailed varmint when it comes to rasslin’ ‘n’ such – I wants yo’ to meet the folks of Buzzard Mounting”. After introducing his feature’s all-too-familiar-looking cast of characters, the nearly-incoherent story begins. When chubby, homely M’lissa Flint is up on Buzzard Mounting, she is given some “yarbs” (presumably, she means “herbs”) by the mountain’s ghost with which to “git” Lum. While M’lissa brews up some herb tea, and Lum’s girlfriend Susie-Pearl visualizes their wedding, Lum sets out for Buzzard Mounting to catch the ghost who’s stolen his “hawg”. As he scales the mountain, Lum is clobbered by a rock thrown directly at his noggin. Before passing out, he calls out for his Granny, who comes after him, accompanied by a tall, blond goof named “Gawky”, Susie-Pearl’s sister. When they show up, the duo revive Lum; when they hear the voice of the “ghost” in a nearby bush, Lum dives in to deal with it, but is immediately ejected from the shrubbery by its two criminal occupants, Beetle Botts and Dude Potts. Then, from their vantage point, they see a buzzard over the Sims’ shack; “Hit’s an’ omen!” Sure enough, Lum’s paw comes a-runnin’ to tell them that Susie-Pearl has seen the ghost with her own eyes. Realizing that the ghost couldn’t be in two places at once, Lum dashes back to town, where he finds his girlfriend sound asleep in M’lissa’s shack after drinking her “yarb” tea. When M’lissa explains that the fixin’s for the tea came from the ghost, Lum races back up the “mounting”, dives into the bushes and clobbers the criminal team of Botts and Potts. But what was that other ghost that tossed Lum around? “More doings of LUM SIMS and the Buzzard Mountain folks next month!”

• “Boomerang!”, written by Guy Murchie Jr., a two-page text feature that incorporates an ad for a “genuine 24-inch Murchie Boomerang”, available through mail-order from “Boomerang Man”, care of COLOSSUS COMICS.

• “Mory Marine”, by Gene Rowls. – When Mory Marine, his fat pal Chubby and their female friend Sally hear a machine gun, they follow the sound to an alleyway where Postal Inspector Blaine has been shot. Before an ambulance arrives, the shooting victim gives Mory an envelope of papers sewn into the lining of his coat and tells him to deliver them to Chief Inspector Flint. On their way to the Federal Building, they’re ambushed by a trio of gangsters; despite putting up a valiant fight, Mory and his friends are knocked out and Mory and Sally are taken back to the crooks’ hideout. While the bad guys go to torture Sally to extract the whereabouts of Blaine’s papers, Chubby wakes up and follows a trail to their hideout, where he unties Mory from a chair. Mory tells Chubby to hide in a nearby closet while he rearranges the ropes around himself to appear to still be incapacitated. When the gangsters return with poor Sally (who looks like a mess), they demand that Mory turn over the much-sought-after papers, but Mory and Chubby turn the tables on the surprised criminals. Then Mory points out that one of the bad guys had the papers all along; Mory secretly shoved the envelope in his pocket before the Marine was tied up with rope! Later, Mory makes a phone call: “Hello – Chief Inspector Flint? I’ll be over in a few minutes with an envelope Inspector Blaine gave me before he died – and we’re bringing along the rats who killed him.”

“The Tulpa Of Tsang” in “The Gold Of Gartok”, by Norman Modell and Lionel N. March. – “In faraway Tibet a few of the holiest lamas are said to possess strange mystical powers. By employing an age-old secret of concentration they can actually will into being tulpas or phantoms of themselves. Such a lama was Tsang.” The monasteries of the village of Gartok has been raided by Shia the robber baron and Wolfgang, a Nazi. When Bart London, an Allied intelligence officer “in the disguise of a Chinese trader”, stumbles upon a pile of bodies in a monastery, he’s overpowered by a group of surviving monks who assume he’s responsible. But when a “hermit lama” named Tsang – “the guardian of Gartok’s gold” -- intercedes on his behalf, London is introduced to a mysterious masked man who “might be more than a man” who leads them into the mountains and up a sheer cliff to Shia’s secret lair, carrying London on his back. As they approach, one of Shia’s henchmen recognizes London’s companion to be a “tulpa”. Indeed, back at the devastated temple, Tsang is distracted by the scent of a bowl of barley brought to him, and his tulpa suddenly vanishes from beneath Bart London. Surviving the fall, London is taken prisoner by Shia and Wolfgang, who suspend him by a rope over a pit full of cobras. While the bandits leave to rob “the golden monastery of Gartok”, Tsang’s tulpa reappears to rescue Bart London; then he sics the cobras on his captors. The mystical being leads London to Gartok, where Shia, Wolfgang and their henchmen have already secretly infiltrated the monastery. The tulpa convinces a guard to let him and London into the underground gold cellars beneath the monastery, where they ambush the bandits. Wolfgang hurls a bar of gold at London, knocking a submachine gun out of his hands. The Nazi then grabs the gun and fires it, point-blank, at the tulpa, but it has no effect. Then Shia sends his henchmen against the tulpa, but again, he effortlessly defeats them. Finally, Wolfgang threatens to blow up the monastery – and everyone with it – with a vial of explosive fluid. Unfortunately, far away, that’s just when Tsang faints from sheer mental exhaustion, causing the tulpa to suddenly vanish once again. Pressing their advantage, Wolfgang hides the explosive among the cellar’s bags of gold; then, the two gold raiders team up to attack Bart London with their bare hands. Shia nearly drowns London in a vat of molten metal; when he reverses the dire situation, Wolfgang pulls a knife on him. Suddenly, the tulpa reappears with a “feather pillow”, with which he catches the recovered explosive vial hurled by the Nazi gold bandit. When Shia and Wolfgang make a getaway, London and the tulpa give chase, but the Nazi escapes in the dark. Shia doesn’t fare so well; the final panel of this story shows the severed head of the Tibetan gold-robber about to be dunked in the vat of molten gold! A final “teaser” reads, “Next month the mad monks of Manasawar will test the tulpa of Tsang”.

• “The Black Heart Of Red Beard” by “Nick Nomad”, a two-page text-story, illustrated by Bernie Weist, with collectible, cut-out stamps of “Red Beard”, “Lady Marion”, “Sultan” and “Mate”.

• “Blond Garth, King Of The Isles”, by Ramond Mellon and Jay Jackson. – “Blond Garth was not born king of the isles. As a little boy, clinging to an empty watercask, he was washed up from a shipwreck. He was raised by Bubu the medicine man who taught him the secret of growing strong. Under the wise tutelage of Bubu, boy Garth grew to be – a mightier hunter than Tarantha, a keener fish spearer than Nehoa, a stronger swimmer than the deadly Malie. When blond Garth came to manhood, he fell in love with Tara daughter of the king.” When a rival tribe’s war canoe arrives for its yearly tribute to its leader, Cimbaru, the demand is for King Rahui to send “ten pretty maidens led by Princess Tara”. Draca, priestess of Itkas, secretly in league with Cimbaru, urges the king to cooperate, lest the other tribe slaughters their people, but he refuses to sacrifice his daughter. Instead, Rahui orders his warriors to defend their island above the barrier reef that surrounds their island of Rangipu. Then Garth tosses the Cimbaru’s messenger back into the ocean. When Rahui receives learns of their refusal, he has his people weave a huge net, with which they catch Malie, “the king of sharks”; then they release the deadly fish into the lagoon of Garth’s island, where it attacks and kills young Ahala, the son of King Rahui. The Cimbarus’ plan is to keep Garth’s people trapped on Rangipu; when they run out of food and evacuate the island, the Cimbaru will “smite them down” after they cross the barrier reef. While King Rahui grieves himself to death over his lost son, the islanders build new, sturdier canoes that Malie cannot penetrate. Meanwhile, Draca conducts a bizarre ritual to decide their fate; afterwards, she decrees that the Rangipu will only be saved if “Golden Hair” – Garth – is sacrificed to the killer shark. Now the tribe’s queen, Tara helps hide Garth from her easily swayed subjects, but he voluntarily gives himself up to them. When the tribe’s council decides to follow Draca’s directive, Garth is tossed into the lagoon, his wrists bound. During this, Draca loses her balance, falls overboard and drowns, but she’s too “scrawny” for the shark to bother with. Breaking his bonds, Garth forces the shell of a giant oyster into the mouth of Malie, so that the shark cannot close its jaws. Then, a furious battle between man and shark ensues. When Malie finally expires, Garth drags it to shore, where he cuts open its belly to find a handful of pearls from the oyster shell; they’ll be used to make a necklace for Tara. As the Cimbaru that have surrounded the island flee, the fickle natives of Rangipu declare Garth as their new king, to rule alongside Queen Tara. “Next month Blond Garth crushes Cimbaru. Don’t miss it!”

• “Ruggey” by Lincoln Maher. – “Phil TheLucre’s butler greets King Joe of Bulmania, who has flown 3,000 miles bearing ill tidings for the Squire of Lancaster Square.” Since the monarch – who looks a lot like Adolph Hitler -- is so broke that he can’t even pay off Phil’s loan of $65.00, Phil forecloses on the threadbare ruler’s kingdom, then he appoints Ruggey the cab driver as the “puppet king” of Bulmania. While former King Joe familiarizes Ruggey and Phil with their new kingdom, Joe’s spy tries to dig up some “dirt” from their pasts. Unfortunately, he can’t find anything to use against them. But when he learns that “King Ruggey” eats oatmeal for breakfast every day, King Joe discovers an obscure law that states, “Because the kings (sp.) horse needs all the oats produced in Bulmania, it shall be against the law for the people to eat anything containing oats”. Soon, Phil TheLucre and King Ruggey find themselves held as prisoners in a Bulmanian prison. Despite his incarceration, King Ruggey orders a shipload of food – paid for by Phil TheLucre --to be delivered to Bulmania, the kingdom’s inhabitants demand that Phil and Ruggey be released from prison, and that ex-King Joe be imprisoned in their former cell, then exiled to “the worst place on Earth”, Boozonia, a kingdom populated entirely by drunks!

• “200 Free Prizes!”, a black-and-white, inside-back-cover announcement for the COLOSSUS COMICS contest described in detail on the inside-front-cover of this issue of COLOSSUS COMICS.

• “Next Month COLOSSUS COMICS Will Introduce An Amazing NEW Feature – ICARION, ‘Child Of The Sun’”, a black-and-white back-cover house-ad for COLOSSUS COMICS No. 2.

ODDBALL FACTOID – Sun Publications produced a total of only two comic books: this issue of COLOSSUS COMICS and 1939’s SUN FUN KOMICKS!

Bonus ODDBALL FACTOID – Not that ODDBALL COMICS takes these prices all that seriously, but according to THE OVERSTREET COMIC BOOK PRICE GUIDE #37 (2007), this particular copy of COLOSSUS COMICS Vol. 1, No. 1 is worth approximately $4,000.00! (Not that it’s for sale – or that anyone would actually pay that price for it, of course!)

New Next Week: ODDBALL COMIC #1,173: MONDAY, MAY 14, 2007 – Nine out of ten Oddballs agree that nurses usually give shots rather than receive ‘em! But here’s a one-shot (literally!) – Charlton’s REGISTERED NURSES – that turns this medical tradition on its ear! Meet “Cynthia Doyle, Nurse In Love” as she solves the mystery of a blind wife-murderer, in “Second Sight”! Plus, “Nurse Betsy Crane”, a history of “The American Doctor”, and lots more to come very soon in next week’s ODDBALL COMIC – so be patient!

Just how odd is today's Oddball Comic?
Cast your vote right now -- from one to five oddballs --
in the poll on the left. Then come talk about it
on the Oddball Comics' discussion board!